Seriously

why am i addicted to you, ever since you entered - my life has been altered, yes you have made times much more better for me, you make my problems gently sway off into the distance but once your gone, everything comes back to me. Everything i hide away for those moments just hit me again. I want you to be around me, once a week or a fortnight will do. your just always on my mind, & its hard for you to go away.

It's up to me to make a change, choose what is flippen' right for me. But i dont think i can do that, at the moment ive given up on most things, digging myself into a hole that i would gladly love to stay in, i like who i am just all the judging and opinions is getting to me.

possibly my new attitude should be 'i dont give a fuck no more'

''do what you do best and fuck the rest'' - Little Miss Sunshine

now i think to myself, 'what do i do best'
another few inches ive dug myself in the hole of no return..

I'm just

really disapointed in myself at this moment. I'll get over it, but why did i do that. Lately i miss my old self, but it's up to me to make myself a better person; a person who i would actually like.

holidays

lovely, lovely, lovely
all i can say, & life's good.

HA

memories, they are all around us, some fade, some remain. The memories i hold, will never leave, always stay in tack; well hopefully. For some of these memories, i wish that they could just be sucked out of my mind, but for me the worst memories stay in the front of my mind, pushing all the more useful memories behind. But hopefully this comes to an end. I hope.

Anyways, just would like to thank shanice/tash for making that, highly thoughtful.

&& whatever happened that night, was seriously stupid, got me annoyed and thanks for slighty ruining a fragment of my time, oh well. moving on :)


baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa passion pit <3

hey holidays

they've started but things are alraedy fucked
oh well, just gunna take each day as they come, party party party.


peace.

Farewell

Today I said goodbye, goodbye to a girl who is truely amazing. A girl to whom i hope achieves well and reaches her goals, a girl who deserves the best out of life cause she puts effort in, goodbye daisy, i love you. i'll see you when i go down south.

4 exams left, 2 days left, & then hello large intake of alcohol for 2 months, love thy life.

It all comes to an end

12 years is all it took, 12 years to set up the beginning of life, now it's over, your alone and gunna face the world, set new goals and hopefully reach the unreachable.A new chapter is about to begin, so make it right for yourself. Good luck to those who are going to experience this, this time next year i'm going to feel these emotions. Next year im going to make it good, next year im going to make it the best time of our lives, 2010' seniors, were gunna take over :)

3 more days left, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww!

oh booking tickets to brisbane in the new year, if it all goes to plan i get to see haley :)

i also just want to mention that im proud of my brother, factos made it!

no title

It has come to the end of another year of school, a year where im proud of myself in ways and in others im not. Im proud of finally reaching my 'goal weight', might sound cheesy but its good to be inspired to reach something, so now my goal is to keep it off & its been about 4 months, so i must be doing something right, no yo-yo diet shit is gunna happen to me! Now for what im disapointed in myself is how i have mostly given up on school, leaving school to be my last priority when it certainly should be my first or second, not last. But i guess i can always improve next year, there i go again being optimistic. anywho that new moon crap comes out on thursday or if your a hardcore mclovin twilight fan, booya midnight screening ; which is entirely stupid.

anyways i must get off this internet, & chemistry it up.

im going to miss you dearly

How I feel

Before i begin, this blog is purely just to explain how i feel, if it doesn't make sense to you, well you obviously don't understand, but I do. This was encouraged by Shanice Jane Robson; the girl who i absolutly adore.

anyways...

For the last few weeks i've had an issue clogged in the back of my mind, its been my focal point now and its getting in the way of everything; social life, assignments etc. What hurts me the most about it, is i cant do anything. Im stuck here alone; yes alone as per usual, waiting for an availability to help. Im searching for it, but its not comming and im really over waiting. So finally it has reached the top of me, & now i sit with tears realming down my cheeks; i feel useless, off edge and an idiot for crying. I've realised that it is not up to me to help, but im just one of those types of people, who always want to help, who always allow other peoples problems get the better of me, or am i just helpful and caring enough to not let the issue slide, i want to help and i must help. But for this issue i cant, its simply not in my hands to do anything. I just feel nothing, absolutly empty.

I need to restore myself, to whom i was. I hate how i am right now.

& goodluck to the year 12ers for fianlly making it to the end, i'll miss a certain few.

worser.

my head has been down for the past few days, so many things to try to understand. As I began to get things back on track and get blown in the face with something, something i cant face as it hurts to much. I cant lose you, not now not ever.

For what i did

For what i did, for what i said.
Im sorry about everything that happened that night. I should not of opened my mouth and said that. Im sorry if it made you bring up memories of what happened. I feel stupid, i actually think less of myself for what i said. I know you keep saying your over it and your gunna look back on it and laugh, but for now i cant. I feel so bad, i will never do it again. Im trying to fix my mistakes, im gunna try hard. I love you my best friend always will.

Im also sorry to dylzie and my brother, yous were just seeing if i was okay, i should not of reacted like that, im stupid i know.

&& for the others who helped me out, yous are amazing


basically it has been a sorry blog.

I still feel stupid.

right now.

i feel that confused that i don't know how to describe it.

urgh it's getting down to the business point of the term, assignment after assignment needs to be done, im just slacking of and consuming alcohol, but heyy trying to enjoy life....


oh im trying to be healthy. :)

today.

is the first day that i have giggled at something, its been about a week.
anywho just listening to the almighty hilltop hoods and i heard the lyrics ''i want to exit like how i entered, between some legs,'' i then pictured it from a boys point of view and giggled like crazy, yepp how low has my life become, but ay gotta enjoy it.
fifa 10 fifa 10 fifa 10, i liiikkeeeeee you.




the more i help, the more i become afraid. im still here for you, no matter what. re reading it constantly.

problem

i have realised that the problem that annoys me the most about myself is that I over care. I care that much that i get really self involved into everything untill i feel that the person is okay, i wont listen to them if they say ''i'm okay'' when they obviously arnt. that is what also annoys me, when someone is going through a great struggle and they put on a brave face, i see right through it. i dunno maybe in a way it is good that i care.

fuck,

shit is getting rough

i need a somebody, i need happiness.

fuck i wish i was like a cane train driver or something, so i can just get away and not have to think at all.
fuck sake.

i hope you read this

im worried for you, i want you to be safe. im not yet sure of your problems but they are making you seem real down. im here for you and always will be. i think of you as a brother and i really do hope things turn out okay. ill know you will rise again.

no i'm being serious

fuck you for not talking to me and making me feel like shit, CHEERS!



well school is shit. shit as shit can be.
what like 7 weeks left for the year, thank god for that. im over it all.

heeyy

im tired, im hungry, i have bruises and dont remember how they got there, i woke with popcorn in my hair, i know i drank to much cause i cant remember in the first place how much i drank. eeeeeeehhhhhh, 2 hours of sleep. im fucked.

i want rove to be on, i hate idol it's just gone shitty wok.

fuck

I've changed.



besides that holidays are good,

frozen coke

yum yum yum,

well I have completed four out of six exams and tomorrows exams of hpe and biology are gunna be bludge. Especially hpe, hopefully do them quick and get the hell outta that place. After sitting in the hall for at least 4 hours since wednesday, i've realised that the hall is ugly, so boring and nothing to look out, it needs a makeover or something!
Also i have a job interview tomorrow :) reception work in a physio in edge hill, hopefully i get it.

++ keeen for the weekend. as if you would buy a band hahahahhaa.



I had the whole crowd going ''oh shit''

As we remember

I think we can all remember where we were on this day, a day that brought the world into grief, great fear and to where it will always be known at 9/11. I was in grade 3running late to school as per usual, watching the news and then suddenly it appeared at 8.46 I believe, the chaos and devestation unfolded right in front of me. I just want to say r.i.p

i dont feel so good

oh man, been feeling queezy all week, not good. my heads been all light headed and my nose is beginning to run like a tap. my throat is dry and it hurts to swallow. eh i whinge to much. i want holidays, i need holidays, i just want school to be done.

oh & why are people so rude & untrustworthy, it sucks when a person suddenly turns their back on you. but dont worry darl your gunna be fine.

:)

the old me.

second row from bottom, second person from your right, hello the old me.
that was year 6 by the way, only 5 years ago it was.
hate is a strong word, but i really do hate how i became to look like that, i blame it all on me.

few recent snapshots.

this girl is such a trooper, i love her & will care for her so much. her 3rd birthday is soon, such an important one aswell, doctors say she should not of lived this long, but she has, im so proud, she is my hero, my sweet heart, my miss muffet.


abit trashed before timeout, oh god hilltop were so good

Who was in the nose bleed section last night?

Rachel Lea Deighton was, & what a messy night it was :)!

sweet

this weekend is looking mighty fine, timeout & a few gatherings tonight, keen to get messy of the lovely rum. &&& hilltop hoodilums, my all time favourite aussie hip hoppers.

things in life area going great and the people in my life are going great.

all speeches/assignments are done for the term, the only thing left is bloody 6 block exams, study sessions await.

peace out brussell sprouts.
aw man they are so gross.

Sometimes

I like to think that im alone in this world, allows me to feel normal and everything is fine. Cause its just myself with no other distractions.
why why why why why why why, ive waited for so long.

good day to you.

yeah right to homework.

For the past few days instead of mind wrenching homework I watch Dexter, the show that i relate to. Well don't stress im not a murderer, I'm just really facinated in blood. They should dedicate a subject at school to blood, that would be swell. Im sorry if blood grosses you out, I just recon the inner body is more amazing then the outside at times, depends on person, hehe cutaaayyy :)

anyways timeout this saturday, just want to see hilltop hoods, the best :)
&& geezz still have to orals to do were suppose to be today but nooo things had to break, certain people went overtime by 10 minutes and yeah was the slackest lessons ive ever done. But now i get to waste my lunchtimes doing my speechs. GREAT!

im off for another ep of dexy. nicknamed him already. & i only nickname the lovely people. so cya.

im jealous.

of everything you have, how you have become happier.
one day it will happen to me, I say.

lalalaalalalalalaalalallaalalalalallalalal ps3 rules.
modern history doesn't rule :)

oh & for those who bother reading this, (you people are very lovely)ive decided to reduce my going out/alcohol intake. trying to restore myself to how i was. Maybe a low key change is what i need.


froth froth froth froth, i wanna see him live :)

shocked

It has been a little of 48 hours since I got told. I believe what im feeling right now is im in a frantic stage of shock. I don't want to have this, im so young, I dont understand why me. But I have to remember people get things that others don't, & its not my fault its based in the family genes. I part of me has been taken away, but that part was unhealthy & the pain will leave and I will heal. But then i think how long till another one returns, another scar to add to my pale skin. I have no other way to describe how I feel, im just blank with emotions and I just want to sit down and cry.

goodbye sun for another day, ill see you tomorrow so you can torture me a little more.

This experience has also made me realise that ive changed. This time last year i hated going out well night life, i never did shit that i do now, eeeerrrr to me.

I like it when

people sing the acoustic version of wonderwall. so lovely.
& the people who do it are lovely :)

school has been good, very dramatic i must say, but im having a blast. Daintree this thursday with the cool kids and the critters in the trees, oh what a day it will be. School work wise im doing it for a change, just not keen on these bloody orals, now now its G rated, orals = speech. tsk tsk to you dirty people.

i want a nice new dress, someone help me find the perfecto one. :) :) :) :) :) :)

yeow timeout in 2 weeks i think, hillatoppa, hilla, tilla, tilla, toppa !!! keen as beans.

i have patience, i can wait.

Today I sit

confused, very confused.

sports carnival was fun, chilled out, had some fun, did some running, through some heavy fricken balls! urgh.

& with school, thats been good, just have to pace myself with the work load.

crap what to do on the weekend. i wish i could drive!

im happy.

yes i am.

rain.

is nice, favourite weather of mine, who cares if it gets your hair wet and your mascara runs (it's called get water proof if it does), but rain is fun. Makes me have fun and it should do the same to you. It's great when you snuggle into your doona and watch movies, or get cuddles, but ayy lets keep this G rated.

im off for now, so over the internet, must use it for learning purposes i've been told. Don't know when i'll return to you my blog, farewell for now.

hallelujiah (can't spell) - the song always gives me shivers everytime I hear it.

last night.

was messy and fun. But it sucks that one incident has just freaked me out, remember don't walk alone don't a pitch black street in the early hours of the morning.

hmmmm.

For Once

I'm facing the truth. I'm trying to accept it. I can't go back and change what has happened, the past can't be changed. I have to live in the present moment and forget what has happened and forgive. That's the type of person I am. At least im not hiding from the truth at least I can admit it now, I was stupid, I was wrong, next time I will do something. To me that time will never come around again, I missed my chance. urgh im being so negative today.

Tonight hopefully should be should, if it's a good night then i'll be happy. If not, i'll try again next weekend. Gotta love being young.


- Hideki Tojo is a dictator, a crule crule man. I hope in my entire lifetime that i don't come across a man like his type.

this weekend.

getting shitfaced and having a good charge.
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (Y)
i'll tell you how it all goes in my next blog
if police ruin my fun, i will do something hahah


teddy geiger - for you i will.
love it love it love it, so what if its a few years old.

im keen.

for a change. I can wait till school is over, a year and 4 months to go.

hmmm

i wish i could experience that feeling, my day will come, i repeat over and over.

been there, done that, messed around
I’m having fun don’t pull me down,
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,





yeaaahhh mate, what now.

Can someone

please explain to me why it sucks after you constantly try your hardest but you get nothing in return. well what i got in return really hurt, like something important has been taken away, something i'll never get back. why do i feel that im so un important, why i feel like im a complete stranger to people now. why i feel that i should just give up on everything. why its probably better for me to remain alone, like how it use to be for many years. why,why,why,why. what am i doing,seriously.

Goodbye

holidays, see you in september im quite sure.
but hello cairns show :) yayaya. loveee it. whos comming on fricken speed with me, if its there???????????????????????? please & thankyou.
:)

its the climb - shutup miley cyrus

As I sit here

I think about how life has been going recently. Well it has been great. The whole time i've been laughing like a complete idiot, but the people who make me laugh don't care, they are all real special to me. :)

get your boof on, yeeewwwwwwww

What annoys me

when your watching a tv show and the eps are going all good. then it just goes to repeats the next day. like c'mon i was watching that.

holidays

so far they have been quite good. Late nights, good sleep ins, well that depends on how loud the noise is, i'm a very light sleeper. The good times with the mates have been fun and im ready for the good times to come.

god i love transformers, you bloody great film :)


this is for you, your the reason i wrote this, the reason i stand in the rain and get my clothes wet, hehe cute.

Hello blog

Holidays are here, finally.
I guess i've been on holidays since wednesday night and yeah already spent my weeks pay on very important items. well actually just clothes, taxis & grog. But its what i do to have fun, so many memories from all these messy nights. I like it when you go out and you see people who you haven't seen in months, it's lovely to just catch up. I'm also just want to kick back and relax, go lay on the beach or something, yorkeys knob :) :) :) My brother is lucky he's going to nz in 3 or so days. luckyy boy, better get me something haha.

riverside - sidney samson


don't let the bed bugs bite.

Guess What

Exams are shit.
BUT! on monday at 2.15, i'll be so pleased......holidays
party party party i say.

I'm here.

Im writing a blog to you fellow readers, approx 2 or so of you. Life is at a stand still right now. Nothing is causing a massive shift of amazement yet. Rountine isn't helping either, same thing over and over, i need a change?

I want this term over and done with, sick of studying the same concepts for 10 weeks, it's quite pathetic, im sure I don't need to know every lesson that a dispersion force increases with the size of the molecule in a covalent molecular bond. Im over it.

Don't we all just need someone to sweep us off our feet?



tonight/tomorrow/tomorrow night/and a few days after that = STUDY! stupid 4 exams.

Hey

hello there, to be honest I have been going through a real dull part of life. Not to be a little moaner who just winges all day about life, but it's been really boring, nothing extreme has massivly impacted on it. Just loads and loads and loads and loads of study. Which equals boredom.

I should add my congratulations to the Maroons, thanking you for beating the Blues. Yeah love my footy and the origin has to just top off the whole season.

Well I must do some chemistry, oh yay dispersion forces/intermolecular bonds/diapole - diapole bonds. blah.

I put earrings in today, some people must be proud of me.

p.s one day these blogs will get better. I pinky promise.

missing you.

i want this week to be over.

the next 3 nights are gunna be late ones.
i have 3 assignments due on friday and they are quite big ones.
well my math assignment is already 1,800 and 8 pages, there are loads of graphs.
english and PE im not keen for, rewatching sarah connor kill T-1000 is gunna be a highlight....im lieing not really. Its hard to watch a sequal to a movie when i havent evan seen the 1st.
and for Pe, who really cares what the barriers are for golf, just let the old mates play in peace.

anyways i have to encounter a day at school, might just leave at 2nd lunch cause im to slack to do cissa, this weather is a worry.

linkin park is just amazing, especially their old music!

give me motivation.

im repulsed.

in myself. its yuck.
i found a picture of how i looked in year 8, evan though it was 2006, blaah how yuck was i! a tubby boom bahh is all i can say. now i understand why nathan use to call me fat every god dam day, which is now in the past. my face alone was so round and full of fat cells. and my arms had rolls even when they were straight.
im disgusted and yet sad to how I got, but now annoys me to when people say you werent that fat, i was okay and i know it, it doesnt hurt me no more to say I was. Just gotta think of how i am now, how hard i worked, how pleased i am and how much confidence i gained. i may have the memories but i wont let them interfere with myself now.

the old me was 80kg and now im 55kg.
im not afraid to say it, its the truth.
maybe i should be the ambassador for health clinics, CAUSE AT LEAST IVE KEPT THE WEIGHT OFF!

assignments and exams = stress overload & plenty of late nights & this weekend is ruined!

should i be a twit twit twitter kid.

I believe,
that you have the will power to guide yourself through the darkest days of life. Just gain hope and you can turn out shining.

p.s knee is stuffed, so limping is the new style of walking.
&& im going out tonight, gunna become a lil social butterfly once I hit the illegal substances, well for underage teens. its been a while.



in relation to title, should i become a twitter bug, i actually would just like to beat ashton kutcher with all his posts. where do you find all the time.





you still have changed and you can't go back, you just can't. you can't erase history either.

Proud to be her Aunty

Yes i am, Jaida Alicia Walker im blastly proud of how far you've come. Love you.

ive noticed blogs have become immensly shorter, just so much work load comming in from school and to be honest im cutting short on ideas on what to say.

I need to read some more books, oo a frog is on my window. cute

xoxo

just wanna say

THANKYOU SO MUCH ! and i will miss you extremely, but ill be seeing you at the end of the year. :) love you so very muchly

Today

I woke up with a smile across my face, knowing that Jaida will be with me all day long. That girl, is one amazing, strong child. She's come along way and shes helped me to believe that when life gets tough, theres always light at the end of the tunnel.




I wish i was going groovin the moo well only to see muscles live set!!!!!!

freaky

People should think before they say, or should see who is around them before they open their mouth and say something which shouldnt be repeated loudly! arrggghhhh!

but that was my day just thinking if that person heard something, but if so talk to me about it okay cause errr its just her thinking it. okay okay.

well jaida is here tomorrow, the one who makes me happy all the time. yayss

xoxo

Friends, we all need them.

The best of friends,
can change a frown,
into a smile,
when you feel down.

The best of friends,
will understand,
your little trials,
and lend a hand.

The best of friends,
will always share,
your secret dreams,
because they care.

The best of friends,
are worth more than gold,
give all the love,
a heart can hold.


SHANICE! my dearest, i love you and your so amazing.

Letting go.

I really hope you read this, i hope you feel like I do. Im really over thinking of this but i miss the way that our lives use to be together. You know this is about you and i hope it hurts you like it has to write this.

I know the old you but im uninterested in the new you. Maybe the people you've met since 2006 have changed you. Don't get me wrong but they are really nice people the ones ive met but you, you have changed in my sight. Maybe i have to, well i know i have, but at least I try and talk to you, whenever i try and plan something, does it end up happening, no it doesnt. Its simply come down to that two ex best friends don't have the time for one another, well not like how we use to. Bloody every weekend it would be us two kids, chilling having fun. Telling each other everything, having heaps of fun laughing our heads off. Now thats over, we've grown older, hardly a laugh breaks between us and that hurts me a lot.

I knew you when you would never tie your hair up, when wearing dresses would freak you out, when boys didnt matter to you, when you said you would hardly go out and drink, when you said that nothing will come between us. Well now i think they were all lies, just filthy lies.

I really miss you and im glad ive said that, ive just kept in down for the past four years, its low of me to post it on a blog, but im a girl who is just missing a girl who knows me so much more than anyone else on this planet, well you basically knew the old me, the old fat me. You know that last sentence I said was the truth.

But life now has been great, im becomming someone who i actually want to be. What we had was really amazing, but i can tell you now in the past 4 year we havent had a great moment to what we had prior to those years. I really hope you do good in your life but all i can say is what we had is now history for us and to me it can't me repeated, not now or ever.



im sorry.

The Return

The return of routine. It has come back and ive changed it abit but I don't recon it will last for long. School has returned for another term and already been hit with a few essays, but its about subjects Ive been interested in for as long as I can remember, so im gunna enjoy writing them. Also got my marks back from the previous terms exams, i actually passed them all, which makes me feel real good about my self. All those hours that went forever all paid off.

Had a recent conversation about trying to impress people, I just be myself and if people don't get along then why do I bother, im not gunna try to be something that im not. Get use to me cause im loving who i am.


the gym is the best.

truths

from now on its just gunna be the truth......

i like you.


its funny how i can say it here but when it comes down to face to face, i cant. Just can't obtain the confidence, thats all.

xoxo, rachel

you think you know me.

okay well people think they know everything about you, well question them, see if they do.
im making a quizz :) lets see if you can answer them, if you can answer a few or all of them then your real special.

1. Who do i miss the most?
2. Where did i live as i grew up?
3. Whats something important that i don't know what to do?
4. Whats my favourite book?
5. Whats my favourite movie?
6. What bone have i broken?
7. Whats my favourite colour?
8. Where is my dream location in the world?
9. What do i wanna be when im older?

Just a few everyday questions you know. good luck. comment the answer or msn. whatevs.....

feelings

Don't we all just one day want to have a security to that some other human being loves you and you actually can feel it. Like the saying goes that for every minute that clock is ticking someone out there is thinking of you in the more than a friend stage. But what if that isn't true, its just hard to believe with over 6 billion people present that someone would be thinking of me. More freaks me out i guess cause noone ever does. ha i just dont get love situations sometimes. But ahh wouldnt all us single people just thrive of if a partner stared deeply into your eyes, grasped your fingertips and said those three words ' I love you ' and actually meant it......everyone dreams to have that moment happen to them and hopefully that dream becomes a reality.

Believe is all i can say, just believe.

confidence out burst.

Im gunna make this short and sweet for me. I love life and myself. Im gunna be strong to what life makes me encounter. I'll achieve my goals and make other peoples lifes worth living again. Im gunna do great things in life and accomplish pure hapiness, someday.




Ruddy disapoints me when he gets cranky at the flight attendant.

This would be good.

To live on an Island. The lifestyle would be so laidback, mum tells me of her stories of when she lived on the Islands in the Whitsundays and they seem so amazing, Green Island is also where my rents met, cute ay. Living on an island would make me feel like nothing else is out there like you don't have to worry about the dramas on the mainland. I would love it so much, maybe in my gap year i may go work over there taking all the tourist around, showing off our beautiful piece of ocean we have. Green Island is nice, but sadly the coral is disapearing, you have to swim so far out to evan get a glimpse of a fish and they are bloody massive! But so far for Cairns Great Barrier Reef, micealus cay tops it off. I can't spell it sorry.

watch the mighty boosh, you'll love it.

i like

1. Feeling good about myself.
2. Positive Thoughts
3. My curly hair, for once :)
4. Having an amazing family who are always there for me
5. A brother who turned from being such a meanie to be a really caring fella.
6. Friends, who i can tell everything too and they listen, also i can be my complete self around and they won't judge
7. shoes, but more sketches of them.
8. comics, i know im young but they actually make you feel it.
9. music, just sittting back listening to it makes me relax
10. breakfast. i recon the best food is at breakkie time, so many good options.
11. my cork board, all such good memories displayed infront of me.
12. lucky last MY LIFE! it holds so much positive energy, im so proud of how far ive come in my life, im so grateful and thankful.


be happy.

shades

Today I had a chilling day with mum, got some yellow nail polish, cause yellow is my favourite colour, its very delightfull. Im also gunna invest in some ray bans or whatever those sunnies are called, they are just fricken sweet, just not sure if i should get a white or black pair, sorta going towards black, goes with more things. Today I put up my cork board and im putting up memories of the past and hopefully events in the near future will be put up there too. Holidays are going nicely so far, nearly done season 5 of one tree hill, just got 4 eps to go.

If your going out tonight, stay safe and dont be a hooligan.

Im done

Im done trying to impress you, im done playing your game. Whatever you want from me its no more. I want to be my own person and im sick of following you. I like who I am but your just trying to change that. I've come a long way in the past 16 years, changed in a good way, im not gunna let you suck me into have no confidence. I may lack in it but I don't allow it to get the better of me, im brighter than that. I really am. Im done.

love my life

i know i know, two posts in the one day. call it ocd or something just im just letting you know the good news i hold. well its good news for I!
I just went to a quick trip to raintrees thinking we were just getting some you know usual groceries and then out of the blue dad buys me season 5 of one tree hill and season two of mighty boosh! Ahhhhhhhh im so happy, really thankful of my dad! I also got a cork board :), gunna chuck a few photos on it :)! yeeeewwwww best fricken thursday ive had in ages. Nothing will wipe this smile off my face, just don't.

anyways kids im gunna go watch old greggggggiieee boy drink some baileys from a shoe :)

im also excited for four reasons.
1. Holidays
2. I see my uncle in two weeks ( its been 5 years! )
3. I meet my cousin for the first time in two weeks
4. My sister and my neice visit at the end of the month.

i love the month april so far!

The Stress from me.

Is gone, finally. The 5 exams in three days is over. Such a good feeling. Now it's holidays, something ive been waiting for. Just gotta fill in the days with interesting things, might start a reading a new book, any good ones? Oh yes gotta buy season 5 of one tree hill if any stores have it!

But with term 1 complete and hopefully I passed, I want a change in Term 2. I dont know what it is, maybe i should relax a bit and not freak out. In term 1 the thing i did differently was talk to more people, which has lead me to gain more friends which is always nice :). But yea a change would be nice.

Today im happy, very happy. This rain is nice, i just wanna lay in it and feel it gently purse my skin. yeah yeah yeah yeah!

yeeewww brother comes home today.

if you wanna do something in the holidays, feel free to ask. im hardly working which is a relief.

My week holds plenty of

EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS!
actually im quite keen for them, ive spent bloody how many hours studying for them, drank litres of coffee, so i hope i get a good grade.
Had part one of my math exam today, totally kicked arse in it. So now ive only got 3 exams to go in the next 48 hours. Yeewwww i got a B+ on english. stoked.

I like sunsets. Would like to travel one day for a main reason to just see sunsets and preety scenery.

mate, your amazing :)

Why

Im allowing negativity get to me. Honestly I dont get life. I really dont. I just wanna hide again, fade from existance. Im freaking over minor things, i really need something different. I need a break, fishing trip is needed.

The Festival Song - Pez. - for some reason this song makes me forget about the stress.

a2 = b2 + c2 - 2bc COS A
or
Cos A = b2 + c2 - a2
divided by
2bc
or
y-y1=m(x-x1)
:)

sorry my brain is being over powered by maths and facts about the french/american revolution and the German/Italian Unification. F you Prussia for trying to conquer Italy. why bother, you weaklings.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I absolutly hate it when im accused of an action that i didnt do. It frustrates and annoys me, that evan though i know im in the right, i get accused for doing a wrong act. But you see i didnt do it. It there any harm in helping someone. This world needs more people who cares about others. Its what i do and im getting the blame for it all. I put in all the effort all those hours to gain a mark that im certainly proud of, now its possibly getting taken away from me. Urgh people of this world dont care, they dont evan allow me to have my say in all of this.
Is this how Elizabeth Proctor felt when Abigail accused her of witchery?
I feel like noone believes me and ive lost trust now, but i know im in the right so i shouldn't let it get to me.But i always let things get to me, im a constant worrier ( is that evan a word ). Im glad i have soccer tonight, it will allow me to use my frustration on the ball and the target would probably be some innocent persons face, but it would provide me with some satisfaction. Anyways I really need to spend time thinking about other things. So please in the holidays will you do something with me so i dont spend all day getting up myself for something i didnt do!

anyways life is a constant study sesh right now. First priority is Maths followed by Biology and Modern History. All the other subjects ive done the exams.But on Wednesday at 3.00pm it would all be over for what a week? oh well the stress will be gone for a while.

have a nice weekend, your a lucky kid if you dont have to study.

Fear

Deep down i fear the future, bloody terrified of it. I like the security of school, cause for the past 11 years its been my life, 5 days a week 9am-3pm. But once its over you encounter many problems. One slip up and a possibility that you could be saying farewell to your career, friends or family. I also fear to once i leave Cairns i'll be alone, im going on a different path to all of my friends, joining the defence force is the different path for I. Ill just have myself fighting for survival in this dog eat dog world. That how I see it. But hopefully Ill be okay, you never know the dream that shanice & i have of living in a cute place with a red kitchen may come true or I could be transfered to a uni that contains people i know.... Ive got plenty of time till I leave school. Im gunna enjoy what i have and try to forget about the future, and live in the moment I have now.


Kids, Don't forget to eat your greens.

- may give blogging a rest, am i going to overboard with the posts? I may just be enthusiastic.

Kids.

We may represent the term 'fools' but i love this girl, the one who i can depend on, the one who is there for me, the one who makes me extremely happy, the one who understands my quirkiness, the one is Shanice Robson. Thankyou for everything!

School isn't always about the education!

Friends. Gotta love them :)

The Mind

It has always facinated me to how the human mind forms logic and controls you. Its such a powerful aspect to who you are. My mind right now is constantly memorising massive equations and revolution facts cause yes its getting down to the business end of the term...exams.But lucky for me Im the type of person who knuckles down into the revision, it annoys me when I see students wasting their time in class, why evan bother being there...

Another point ill like to make about the mind is how it makes a person so judgemental. Do people just judge others to provide self satisfaction, I believe so. We all know that nobody is perfect but please people keep your thoughts to yourself, just one word can drag a persons self confidence down massivly, Its happen to me and its not the greatest feeling in the world.

My final point about my mind is that its not allowing me to forget this one person. He is glued there and not moving! But its nice to think about him from time to time, gives me a break from the rush of life for now.

anyways, stay true to your beliefs.
i do, but other don't believe in me.......

a new chapter?

In life I always seem to repeating myself, always including myself in the same events and routine. I guess people like routine, well i surely do. But as of latley i've differed. Ive preferred doing out of the normal things. For instance I joined a gym, i would of never seen it comming, but yes im lifting weights and running on a treadmill...imagine that. I've always shopped in the same store frightened to what ill look like in other stores items, but my outlook on that has changed, maybe due to my change in image, im starting to feel comfortable in the body ive formed, which is a great feeling. But yeah as im getting older im realising it isnt always about being the same or following crowds its about stepping outside of the box and finding who you truely are, yes im only young and ive got plenty of time, but its amazing finding out your reason to why your here. :)

okay im new to blogging, i hope it helps with me to release my feelings/thoughts. well as of what you just read it already is helping. I'll also like to thank dylan for making me do this :). He too has a blog, way better than anything i can do thats when he's not lazy!, so here http://golbnalyd.blogspot.com/, - take a squizz at that.

enjoy yourself. stay tuned. :)